Vickie is a DBT Success Story in Manchester, United Kingdom
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Name, age, city/town:
Hello! My name is Vickie. I am 28 and I currently live in Manchester, UK.
What was the most rewarding thing about learning skills?
I received DBT when I was still quite young, so the whole experience of it didn’t really sink in for me immediately. However, 2 years ago I went back into a talking therapy and we revisited the skills I learned in DBT.
For me, all of the skills I learned in DBT were rewarding but I would say that skills on emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness were the most useful. Although I found distress tolerance useful as I was often in distress and crisis, these stemmed from an inability to understand my emotions and have healthy relationships. So learning the skills in these modules helped me to be able to control my ‘spiralling’ thoughts and behaviours that would lead to a crisis.
Knowing that I don’t have to be controlled by my emotions or seek validation from an outside source has been and still is incredibly empowering for me.
I also love that you can always turn to these skills whenever you have to. Its not like the therapy is over and you’re cured, and you never have to think about it again. DBT is the type of therapy that stays with you and incorporates practical skills that you can take away with you and keep practicing for the rest of your life, eg. the crisis kit and the diary sheets.
What are your favorite skills to use?
Oddly enough when I was introduced to mindfulness in DBT I didn’t really engage with it that much and thought it quite silly, perhaps because of my youth!
However, I have been (for the most part…) practicing mindfulness and meditation every day for the past 2 years.
Mindfulness not only has the power to soothe and calm in a crisis (as we learned in DBT), but it has enabled me to develop an acceptance and love of myself that I never imagined I would be able to have. It is definitely my rock, and I find in particular the Calm app to be very DBT friendly as it has a soothing aesthetic and allows you to choose topics to work on.
I am incredibly thankful for the gift of mindfulness, as it has empowered me to love and to heal.
What advice would you give someone who is starting to learn DBT?
Keep at it and don’t give up! This will be an extremely difficult, long and tough process and there will be times when you feel like giving up, that its not working or its just not worth it.
For me personally, I was in DBT for 18 months and I didn’t start to realise that it was working until the last 3 months of my therapy because the changes for me were happening subconsciously. The amount of times I wanted to quit and give up were numerous, but something inside of me kept pushing me to keep going. You have to learn to trust your own voice, and to build your own willpower.
I believe that recovery is not a one size fits all, and that there will be people out there who this type of therapy doesn’t work for. However, I wouldn’t use this as an excuse to give up or to not commit as much as you can. DBT is a once in a lifetime experience, and there is so much to learn during its process that everyone who is lucky enough to receive it will learn something new about themselves. Also, making a commitment and making the effort to engage with therapy is a huge achievement in itself that you can be proud of.
How has your life changed since learning DBT?
Without sounding too dramatic (but also totally and typically dramatic…) I never thought I’d be alive past the age of 25.
I was 21 when I entered DBT and I strongly believe having access to this therapy not only changed my life, but it saved it.
DBT gave me the foundations for a happy and healthy life learning to live with borderline personality disorder. I honestly think these skills should be taught to every young person all over the globe, as they are vital skills for anyone regardless of diagnosis to learn.
How are you creating a life worth living today?
My life used to be chaotic: an unending and uncontrollable rollercoaster of emotional ups and downs, leading me to cause harm to myself and others and not know why.
I now live a life with balance: accepting of the fact that I will live with this diagnosis for the rest of my life, but thankful that I’ve learned the skills to take the wheel and live a life I deserve rather than be at the mercy of short term coping skills, negative thoughts and others. I can love and accept myself for every aspect of me.
I am doing and achieving things I never thought I’d be able to do, such as singing opera, touring with a band, holding down a full time job...the list goes on!
My future is bright, and its all thanks to DBT!
Yay! Thank you, Vickie, for sharing your story with others. You are creating a life worth living! —Amanda
