Kristen is a DBT Success Story in Ontario
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Name, age, city/town:
Kristen, 30, Ontario, Canada
What was the most rewarding thing about learning skills?
The most rewarding thing about learning DBT skills was I learned I wasn't doomed to suffer. The Western world has a certain view of mental health and particularly personality disorders that can be very damning. I really struggled to accept myself because so many treatments and strategies were not working and I thought it meant something horrible about me. Turns out I really just needed to find the treatment (well, I like to think of DBT as a lifestyle) that spoke my language and met me where I was at versus me trying to fit into a model. Having DBT skills has shown myself and others that I can function in a way that makes my life filled with less suffering.
What are your favorite skills to use?
Paced breathing (from TIPP): This skill allows me to reduce my heart rate and clear my head very quickly when I'm in a crisis. It gives me a chance to access Wise Mind when I originally wouldn't of had that option.
Radical Acceptance: I used to have a lot of resistance to this skill because it was hard to wrap my head around acceptance not being approval. This thinking though has been key in managing my trauma. Radical Acceptance has allowed me to not dwell on things I can't change. It makes me look at what I can control instead of what I can't control.
Urge Surfing: This skill is what allowed me to eliminate self harm from my life. Having the knowledge that the urge will go away if I just wait was a game changer. I never thought I'd be able to stop but I did :) December 2019 is 5 years self harm free!
What advice would you give someone who is starting to learn DBT?
I have 2 pieces of advice.
My first is to show yourself compassion. Learning and practicing these skills is hard work. You will mess up and that's life. You will succeed too and that is amazing! It's hard to change and being kind to yourself during this time will help you succeed and manage the times you are not skillful. You did not learn these behaviours over night so they will not go away overnight. Be easy on yourself <3
And my second is to remember to not take on too much. While you learn the skills all at once, practicing them all at once can be overwhelming. The same way babies focus on one skill at a time (ie: walking first, talking second) I found using that approach to DBT skills also helpful. One thing at a time is also a DBT skill ;)
How has your life changed since learning DBT?
As I mentioned above DBT has changed my perspective of myself. I do not believe I am doomed anymore which has snowballed into a number of other amazing things happening in my life. I will always make mistakes. I don't always use the skills but I can deal with that instead of hating myself for it.
The main thing that everyone can see how DBT has changed my life is the fact that my son is here. I told myself that I could not have a child until I got myself under control. My son is proof that I did that. He's a pretty cool kid! I teach him bits of DBT every day as I believe this is a lifestyle, a way of being, and everyone should learn these skills.
How are you creating a life worth living today?
My job is DBT. I have been teaching DBT skills group for a few years and this has allowed me to immerse myself in the skills. I continue my personal practice and also give these skills to others. It's been an amazing experience!
Kristen, congratulations on creating a life worth living! —Amanda
