Rivka is a DBT Success Story in New York
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Name, age, city/town:
Rivka, 27, NY
What was the most rewarding thing about learning skills?
Learning DBT skills saved my life. Before I began DBT I walked around as a shell of a person, not knowing how to cope with any of the chaos inside my confusing mind. I was on a self-destructive path and wasn't getting any better. When I was introduced to DBT I was resistant at first but then it was like a light bulb went off in my head... this was the way to crawl out of the dark. And by crawl I mean that it has taken time. There is no "quick fix" to anything, especially something as delicate as mental illness. But starting to learn skills when I was 17 years old has made me who I am today at 27 - a stronger and healthier person who does still struggle but is 96% more able to deal with those struggles effectively.
What are your favorite skills to use?
The skills I've used a lot lately are the FAST skills. I am finally learning to stick up for myself and what I hold dear to me. I was sick of apologizing for things beyond my control and feeling so bad about every situation. Now I feel more confident when approaching these scenarios. What I say and believe matters.
I also use the DEAR MAN skills very often, sometimes not even consciously. The PLEASE and ACCEPTS skills are crucial as well because it is so important to take care of myself.
What advice would you give someone who is starting to learn DBT?
Give yourself time. Accept that instant gratification is not always realistic and you need to stick with it and work at it and be committed to yourself and your wellness. Self compassion is also very important -- don't be so hard on yourself if you get frustrated. You are embarking on a journey, a (possibly) scary yet highly rewarding journey. Be kind to yourself.
How has your life changed since learning DBT?
I began learning DBT 10 years ago at the practice of Jill Rathus, who has written countless books with Marsha Linehan and trains clinicians everywhere in DBT and its framework. I was learning from one of the best, and I got so much out of it. My current therapist of 5 years is also a DBT trained therapist.
My life is not perfect. No one's life is perfect. I have BPD, and sometimes those symptoms do make appearances. I am a work in progress, and that progress has mostly been because of DBT.
I now know how to react to things in a healthier way. I can communicate more effectively and am more kind to myself than ever before. I know that I am worth it, and I know that I do not deserve the pain I've endured.
How are you creating a life worth living today?
I never thought I would get to where I am today. I am 3 months from receiving my masters degree in childhood education. Every day I go to work where I teach 5th grade ELA and social studies. My students inspire me to continue to grow even more.
I am committed to myself and my overall wellness. I know that I mean something and I know that to maintain that I need to work hard every single day. And believe me, it’s worth it.
I’ve had the pleasure and honor of knowing Rivka through Facebook and Tumblr for many years. She is someone who has inspired me again and again by sharing her story. Congratulations, Rivka! —Amanda
