Ally is a DBT Success Story in Houston
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Name, age, city/town:
Ally, 21, Houston, Texas
What was the most rewarding thing about learning skills?
The skills help me to help myself. They empower me.
I first started a DBT program when I was 16 and I hated it. I couldn’t understand why I needed skills and I didn’t get it. I thought that DBT was “stupid.” There was a missing piece for me. My parents and one of my teachers knew that I needed DBT but I didn’t know.
When I started college, my world began to fall apart and then I knew why my mom and dad wanted me to have good coping and communication skills before my freshman year began. I had no boundaries. I didn’t understand self-respect. I needed help so that I could get along with friends and not engulf people with my problems. Again, I just didn’t know what I didn’t know.
These 18 months in DBT have saved me. I have the best therapist. She’s always there for me—without judgment. She’s so accepting and therapy is a safe place for me.
What are your favorite skills to use?
STOP.
STOP is a distress tolerance skill that stands for stop, take a step back, observe what’s happening, and proceed with your Wise Mind.
I used to be so impulsive but now I STOP. STOP puts me in control of my behaviors. This one skill has changed my life.
What advice would you give someone who is starting to learn DBT?
A few things come to my mind. The first one is to show up. You have to show up to your appointments and then to the DBT group. It doesn’t have to be perfect but showing up matters. Just being open to new ideas and listening can be a first step. You don’t even have to use skills at first but focus on being present.
The next advice is to do the homework each week and that also means keeping a diary card. No one can do this for you. It doesn’t have to be right, it just has to get done. My therapist would say, “Messy homework counts.” Even if it’s messy, do it. Do the work and show your work. You can’t get better until you do the homework.
How has your life changed since learning DBT?
I’m calmer, more relaxed. I don’t self-sabotage like I used to. DBT has taught me that I can ask for help. I don’t have to suffer alone. I know that on a rough day, I can reach out to my friends, family, or my therapist. I don’t have to keep everything inside all the time until I explode.
I’m still dealing with a lot of social anxiety and my therapist and I are working on skills to help me cope better with that. No depression in over a year. I can’t believe it! Thank you, DBT and Marsha Linehan!
How are you creating a life worth living today?
I’m now a senior at Rice University. I’m still trying to figure out if I want to work after graduation or go right to graduate school.
School is academically and socially challenging but it’s worth it. My therapist also says, “I can do hard things.” She’s right.
I live in Houston and go to school in Houston so I have a lot of support here but I want to travel, too. I’ll continue to push myself. The DBT skills I’ve learned have equipped me to deal with whatever comes up next. I feel very blessed that I got DBT when I did. DBT has been a gift.
Yay Ally! Thank you for sharing your story with others. —Amanda
