Ana is a DBT Success Story in Miami
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Name, age, city/town:
Ana, 33, Miami, Florida
What was the most rewarding thing about learning skills?
I have to admit that I didn’t understand the skills at first. I thought, “Okay. This is nice but I still hate myself. I still want to die.”
My therapist helped me to understand that I could see the skills as a choice or opportunities to help me heal and grow. I could take life one skill at a time. I was so hyper-focused on having all the answers but I didn’t have any skills to help me make it through the next hour or day.
So the most rewarding thing about learning the skills was realizing that I had a lot of choices—healthy choices—about how I could respond to my emotional pain and urges to destroy my life. I just didn’t get that until my therapist spelled it out for me.
What are your favorite skills to use?
I love mindfulness. The mindfulness skills help me to slow down, take control, and stay focused on what I need next.
Marsha Linehan has a lot of mindfulness skills in her book and those are great, however, I would sometimes make up a little mindfulness game and see how many things I could do mindfully each day.
Brush my teeth mindfully? Yep! Drive to the store mindfully? Yes! Talk to the cat mindfully? Definitely!
I played the game for about three months (99 days was my goal!) and then my therapist said, “You seem more relaxed now.” She was right; I was calmer most of the time. My mind wasn’t so busy. I stopped forgetting and losing things. I could let go of some little stuff. I think that a regular mindfulness practice made that much of a difference.
What advice would you give someone who is starting to learn DBT?
I think that practicing the skills every day is key. You’ve got to make the commitment. You don’t magically get better without hard work.
When I was younger, I went to a therapist and just talked. I thought that was how you got better—talking it out. That really didn’t help me. I needed practical steps to help myself and I got that when I started to practice the skills each day. DBT gives you those skills so use them.
How has your life changed since learning DBT?
I always felt different growing up. I hate the word “crazy” but I felt crazy—disconnected from the real world. I was different from my sister. I was different from my parents. I had few friends. I felt like I couldn’t understand myself. I didn’t know why I did the things I did. I wasn’t in control of my mind. Again, mindfulness gave me what I needed in order to have the emotional control that I think others have without trying.
I think that my life is also different because of the skill of radical acceptance. Once I learned how to accept myself, I could accept others. I’m less judgmental. I’m a healthier me because of acceptance.
How are you creating a life worth living today?
I’m a full-time caregiver for my aunt who has been disabled since birth. Family means a lot to me and it’s an honor to help care for her. It gives my life meaning.
I have a better relationship with my family right now because they got help too. I don’t mean that in a mean or judgmental way. We all needed help.
I had a lot of years where I couldn’t work because my life was so chaotic and I was in and out of the hospital. DBT has given me the tools I needed to see that I could have a future without suicidal thinking or suicide attempts.
I’m still a work in progress but I’m hopeful about the future.
Thank you, Ana! You are inspiring others by sharing your success. —Amanda
